


We were friends once

by Dominatrix



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: F/M, James' Past, Not even sorry for causing pain, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-27
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-19 17:12:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dominatrix/pseuds/Dominatrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when two persons who once were best friends meet again and have become completely different characters in the meantime?</p>
            </blockquote>





	We were friends once

I hear steps, but it stopped to interest me for a while. It’s always the same: They imprisoned me, I escaped, they put a reward on my reward, someone betrayed me, I fled. Right now I’m still in phase one, but I hope to get of here in the next…let’s say ten to thirty minutes.

The steps grow silent and a shadow falls in my cell. I sit up tired. A soldier is standing in front of me, maybe also a higher rank. In the end it doesn’t matter. They’re all the same anyway.

„What do you want?“ I ask listlessly. The man hunkers down and stares into my cell intensely. His face is mostly covered with a ridiculously huge hat. His icy eyes fixated me with light blue chains.

“It’s really you. You still look like you did once.“ I stop short and approach him a bit, but he stumbles back a few steps before I can see his face completely.

“Did I steal from you once?” I asked suspiciously.

„If so, I didn’t notice.“

„How do you know me, then?“

“I knew you once, Vyona. In former times.”

“Why do you know my name?” I come closer to the bars; this time he doesn’t move back.

“What have you become?” the man in front of me asks while he shakes his head.

“Who are you?”

“Norrington. Engaged as Lieutenant at the Royal Navy.“ I look at him again, in these blank, cold eyes, but I remember that this view wasn’t always so empty.

“James. Is it you? Say something, how did you get here?“

„So you remember.“

“How couldn’t I? You were my friend. Always.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m wide awake, unable to sleep. Usually I can sleep everywhere; when I find the time and safety to stay at one place for a longer time I fall to sleep immediately because of exhaustion. But not now. Right now I’m really safe, because I’m lying on the stone floor of a cell while a man should guard me, but he’s asleep, his forehead leaned against the rusty bars. It’s not bad to be here; it’s always the same. Sooner or later I always escaped. Until now this worked out perfectly. It goes on like this for some time now, and till now my former life had not gotten me. Well, till now, till this night, in which I stare at the dirty ceiling and think about my childhood.

I was friends with a boy that had always curbed me when I got too daring, he was the clever mind I was the bubbly of the two of us. He was my best friend until I left one day without saying goodbye. Back then my mother wanted to travel after my father.

Today my mother is dead and my father blows his last pennies on cheap alcohol, on some island far away from here. And the boy I had almost forgotten in the last eleven years has stepped back into my life. But the probability that we become best friends ever again is pretty low. We both developed, and it seems quite clear to me that we can’t bridge this distance.

Because it’s him who guards my cell. He’s a lieutenant by now, an honourable man, and I am a pickpocket. I earn everything I need, a few coins, some bread, I don’t need more. I sit up and get dizzy. He’s only two years older than I am, but he looks really tired and old. I stretch out my hand through the bars carefully and stroke a streak out his forehead which has loosened from his wig. With a quick look I check whether  he has got the keys for my cell. I can’t see them. Gently my cunning hands glide under his jacket, but I don’t feel any kind of metal. I sigh and shake him a bit rudely.

“James, wake up.”

„What?“ he asks sonfused and opens his eyes. I pull my hand back on the wrong side of the wall of bars.

“You’re supposed to guard me, genius, not to sleep.”

“Pardon me.” He stops short and something like the stupid apperance of hope steals into his ice-clear view.

“Why are you still here? You could have…”

“I couldn’t have. You don’t have the keys with you.“

„What happened to you in the last years?“

„I wanted to ask you the same question. What went wrong with you to give us the opportunity to meet like this? Why are you here at all?”

“I was at home for a few years, and then I spent much time at sea. Since some months I’m stationed in Port Royal. And why I sit here” he clears his throat embarrassed, “I just wanted to look after you.”

I nod, with emphasis on my disinterested face. Nobody had said something like this to me in the past years. The only letters I get come from my father who asks for money, sometimes several times a month. By now I throw them away without opening them.

“But why are you here and not at home?”

“Some don’t want to see me there anymore.”

“For example?”

“My wife.”

 

Punches in the gut are mostly surprising, but this topped everything that was there before.

“Pardon? When did you marry?”

„A few years ago. I was just nineteen back then, young and stupid. She was nothing special, but after an evening I forgot long ago she got pregnant and her father forced me to marry her. Shortly after the birth I had to leave.”

“You left your child behind?” He did seem cold to me inthe past few day, but I would’ve never thought of him as such a man.

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“You always have a choice, James. Always. Sometimes you’re just to cowardly to realize.“ He smiles timid, it’s the first time since we have met again that he seems happy.

“I have missed you, you know?”

“Really?”

„Yes. Although you’re someone completely different…It’s nice to see you again.“

He reaches through the bars, takes my hand and squeezes her gently.

I smile.

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

The time in prison is lonely and cold. Not that I didn’t get used to that. Actually they treat me very gut, and somehow I’ve got the feeling that this is because of James. He really seems to want to look after me, the same way as back then when we were still kids and didn’t know how hard life really was. Every time I couldn’t stand home any longer I came running to him, talked with him. He distracted me and cared for me. Today he barely looks at me as if I was a person of second class, as if I was dangerous. And maybe I really am. Maybe I can get dangerous to him because I remind him of the home he fled from, because I remember him that there’s still someone outside who knows him better than he knows himself.

It’s not good to be a captive. But this time it’s different. I’m here for a long time, I don’t know how long, and I still haven’t got the slightest clue how to get out of this. I know that the gallows are waiting for me. I have done too much to forgive everything. I don’t have the hope for an amnesty. There is nobody to stand up for me.

“Vyona.” Bored as hell I open my eyes and see James’ face right in front of me.

“What?”

“Can I ask you something?”

„I’m listening.“

"How have you gotten here and what had brought you to this existence?“

“What can I say…I was unhappy at home. So I had to leave. I had to get away from my family, these people…”

“From me?” When I look at him it’s like we are children again; I can read in him, know, what he feels and what he thinks. He never got over me leaving without saying goodbye.

 

“No. It wasn’t because of you."

„Why didn’t you say goodbye then?“

“You would have never let me go.”

“And I had done good with it. If you had stayed you would have never had to choose this…life.”

“If I had stayed I would be dead now. And you know that.”

„Don’t make it this hard for me. You know that I can’t violate my duties.“

„You always set the well-being of society over your own, James. Even as a child.”

 

_He looks at her desperately and still sees his friend in her, although her face doesn’t look as happy anymore. She seems older than she is, from the outside she looks like 21, but her eyes are old. She appears used to him, strangely lifeless. Not anymore the image he remembered year after year when he had asked himself what sense all this made. She still was a pretty woman, but the sorrow pressed her down, he could see it in her face._

_"What do you expect me to do?” Back then she had known what he had to do when he wasn’t sure. She encouraged him to do what made him happy, even if it was stupid on long sight. The imagination that she sees him now, how he has simply forgotten all his dreams and wishes, repels him. He doesn’t want her last memory about him to be this picture, this façade. She knows her fate, for she surely is no fool. She knows what it means and he hopes that she knows that he doesn’t really have a choice this time._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_When he goes down to her again he hears her singing. Low, only for herself, but he recognizes the song nevertheless. Back then they sang it together, understood the meaning because they grew up far too fast. Today she sings it all by herself, but in his imagination he sings together with her. Lost in his thoughts he sinks down in front of her cell and contemplates her. She has turned her back to him, the dark blonde hair is done up to a messy bun. It hurts to look at her; it just shows him how much they both changed. Still her voice sounds clear and quiet to his ears, calls up pictures he almost forgot completely, remembers him of times long gone. “I’m flying like a bird, so perfectly free, just leaving all sorrows far behind me.”_

_Without singing out loud his lips form the words that never let go of him, no matter where he was over what he did. It had always been there, the memory about this song as well as the memory about Vyona. He doesn’t know if she notices that he’s there; maybe it is better that she doesn’t. Sometime, when she has grown silent and he doesn’t dare to ask her to continue singing he simply turns around and leaves because he can’t stand it any longer and the tears are burning in his eyes._

I feel him, I feel his view on my back, I feel his presence and even his sadness. But for some kind of reason I can’t bring myself to turn around and look at him because I’m afraid that he’s cold to me and not himself anymore. When I finish my song I wait if he’s going to say something or to give me a tiny sign that he remembers the times, in which we sung together, too. He remains silent, and for some time I just hear his breath and my racing heartbeat while the blood is rushing in my ears. I glance at the stone wall but see nothing in front of my eyes than his face. I compare his current looks to the boy I once knew and don’t recognize any similarities. His eyes are as ice-blue as they always were, but now they’re hard and cold except these little, far too scarce moments in which I remember that he really is the boy from back then. He is still handsome, but the serious expression and the tiredness he radiates make him older.

Maybe it would’ve been better if we had never seen each other again; I’ve got the feeling that we’re both disappointed of the people we’ve become.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_When James is alone he thinks. The thought are racing through his head so it costs him a lot of effort to arrange and understand them. They are horrifying thoughts and pictures. Vyona, hung up like the criminal she will never be. Vyona how she glances at him, accusing and reproachful because he doesn’t help her although he maybe even could. She’s alone, and that’s the problem in a nutshell. If she had a family, if she would be married, they wouldn’t hang her. But she’s alone and has nobody besides him. In this moment he realizes how bad he is as a friend. It’s hard to picture what happens if he does what he thinks about, but it’s even harder to picture what happens if he doesn’t. He wouldn’t stand to see her making her last way to the gallows. It’s the middle of the night but he’s quite sure she can’t sleep anyway. Without one more thought he pushes the blanket of his bed aside, gets up and dresses._

It’s to early for a change of guards, so I’m almost surprised when I hear steps on the stairs. I smile at James while I get up and move towards him.

“What do you want here again?” He seems to be nervous, and it seems to be important what he wants to say; he tangles his hands as he did when he was a child and had done something wrong. Actually this had been his classical posture.

“I think we both know that your situation is not the best, and that I…That’s why I…well…maybe you would…” I snort impatiently. I have more than enough time, but I can’t watch him trying so hard.

“James, please get to the point.” He takes a deep breath before he looks at him determined.

“Marry me.”

“What?”

„I’m asking you to become my wife.“

“Have you gone crazy?”

“Vyona…I know that I can’t offer you much, you don’t earn this well as a lieutenant but it’s enough to feed a family. Please, accept my proposal because of the money. I can’t watch you wasting yourself and dying in the gutter one day. Stay with me. Please.”

„Didn’t you once say that you would only marry if the woman did it because of you and not because of the money?”

“Then marry me because of me, Vyona.”

“How could I? You’re an honourable man. We’re far too different.“ Moreover I know I would make him unhappy.

“I’m begging you as my closest friend and companion. I’m yours, with body and soul. What holds you back to marry me?“ I stumble back a little and bump against the back wall of the cell.

“You would really get me out of here.”

“I would introduce a fair process.”

“A fair process. This means rope for me.”

“Not if I can prevent it. Vyona, I’m searching you for so long, and now I just got you back. Don’t let me lose you again.”

“Your weak character, James, veils your generousity. You’re weak, too weak to decide between me and your honour. I have to get out, with or without your approval.” Impulsively I take a long step forward and clench my hands in the lapel of his jacket through the bars.

“You know that they’ll hang me. Let me go.”

„I musn’t.“

I know that the unrest in his eyes has a simple reason: Torn between his affection for me and the discipline and loyalty in him he doesn’t know what to do.

“I thought that we were friends.”

“We were” he said icy.

“Long ago.“

_He does her an injustice, and he knows that, but he’s aware that she’s right. He is weak. Would he have a little more courage, would he be someone else he wouldn’t hesitate to set her free. But he just is no hero. With agitated moves he takes her delicate hands off his jacket and goes up the stairs with heavy steps._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

The days pass, they don’t get short but rather even longer. James doesn’t visit my anymore. Oddly I miss him more than I would have thought. It hurts to be alone although I should have grown familiar to this. The walls scare me; they seem to crush me to death. My hope to leave this prison as a free woman decreases with every breath I take. Maybe it would really help to be able to count on James right now. But he avoids me. Once I believed to hear him speaking with someone upstairs, but I wasn’t sure. Probably I just wished for him to still care how I ended up. When I ask other soldiers that pass my cell about James they just stare at me scornfully or tell me that I should shut up.

Their words and glances don’t hurt me as much as the fact that James obviously doesn’t want to say goodbye. Probably we’re even. And probably I’ve deserved it. But it still hurts.

_The nights are far too long. He’s wide awake and doesn’t know what to do. Will he just leave her behind? Can he? He doesn’t owe her anything and if he’s thinking honestly about it he wouldn’t have cared if it had concerned someone else. But this is different. Completely different. No other woman has kept him awake for nights, and he knew that none would make it after Vyona. He doesn’t understand why she didn’t just accept his proposal, but actually he knows the reason because he knows her as no one else: She would never bind herself to someone, no matter who it is and what she feels. No matter what the consequences would be. She would rather die than lose her freedom. James had seen it as stupid quite a lot of times, but now he starts to understand it. He knows that she won’t get a fair process. She’s going to be hanged like a gutter thief, and he can do nothing against it, at least nothing that was in the range of legal possibilities._

_Actually he doesn’t really have to think about it, doesn’t have to stare in the bitter darkness outside anymore because he has made his choice long ago. Sighing he steps from the small balcony in his room and watches himself in the mirror while a lamp lights his figure. The picture that shows up repels him since such a long time. With a single, flowing move he rips the wig off his head and watches the man in the mirror with shaking hands and knees. He is not ready to admit that this decision is probably the wrong. Back then he would have lost himself in believing it was wrong, but since he met Vyona again he starts to live in the present. And maybe this is the most precious lesson of them all._

 

Thoughtfully I lean with my back against the wall. The stones are cold, but I’m so numb that I don’t notice. Actually I notice nothing anymore; I don’t notice that it’s pouring with rain. I don’t notice that the cold rain water has found a way in my cell and now trails down the rough, obviously leaking wall, it drains my dirty dress and should take be to feel chilly and shiver. But I don’t feel cold. I can’t. I feel all of this only through a thick veil.

They have made a date.

Three days. In three days I will be dead.

No process, no chance for me to defend myself, to explain it. But who would believe me? Who would believe me, a random thief, that the soldier had fallen? Could I prove at all that I didn’t push him? Would I even be allowed to speak? I run one of my hands over my hand, completely absent. All this seems so unreal to me. When I breathe real air the next time, when I finally see the sky again, when I leave this cell for the next time…It will also be the last time. It will be my last walk.

This thought is almost unbearable to me. I’m waiting for my execution, caged like a beast. I would never have chosen an end like this for myself. Sighing I put my head back and expel a deep breath, the cloud shimmers in the air for a moment, white like a ghost, before she vanishes. When I look onward, with veils of tears in front of my eyes, there is someone standing there. First I don’t notice the man in front of me; he doesn’t look like himself. And that’s good. He doesn’t wear a wig, his dark hair is bound in a messy ponytail from which countless streaks have been loosening. Without the strong flash in his blue, piercing eyes I nearly wouldn’t have known that James stands in front of me.

“Where is your uniform?”

“Is that important?”

„No. But you finally look like you again.“

We interrupt your eye contact not for a single second. When he carefully, to make as little noise as possibly, pulls the key out of the pockets of his dark blue coat – right now the only thing that makes me recognize he is a man of military – I get up abruptly and have to shore up against the wall because everything flickers before my eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m making a choice. You.“

„Why?“

„Don’t believe that I watch you going to the gallows. I won’t put myself through this.”

With trembling fingers he unlocks the door and pushes it open. I still can’t believe it. Slowly I make a step after the other without taking my eyes off James until I step out of the cell. I’m still prepared for the ambush, that all of this is just a trap, a last triumph of law. Nothing happens. I blink and insecurely push a streak of my own hair behind my ear.

 

“You’re free.”

“But what’s going to happen to you?”

„Don’t worry, Vyona. I have made it without you until now.”

“I don’t want you to get into trouble because of me.”

“And I don’t want you to be hanged if I have the chance to prevent it.”

His view is adamant, hard, still the mark he has trained to wear in all the years that have passed. But the ice melts slowly. I know he really means it. And even if I can never repay him for that, I’m very thankful. I would live.

“Thanks, James. I thank you.“

He just nods shortly and is – as always – not ready to take anything of the praise or the graititude. He didn’t change completely.

“You have to be fast. Take the next ship and leave. Bring as much watre between you and Port Royal as you can.“

 

„Come with me. Please…accompany me.”

He smiles, but I see the horrible sadness in his eyes that tells me more than he ever could.

He has made his choice long ago.

For me, but against us.

„No“ I manage to getout croaking. My throat is tied up when I really completely.

„No, James. If you stay they will…“

„I belong here. This is my home.“

„James, please…“

„Go. Go!“ He pushes me back rudely, but no matter what he wants to make me believe, I know that is has to be terribly hard for him to let me go. It was unbearable for both of us; we’ve only found each other again a few weeks ago. With tears in my eyes I gently take his face in my hands.

When I glance at him he is still the boy from back then, just older. A little bit sadder, but still my best friend. The strained look on his face was still there, it was possible that it would never be gone fully, but I see that he really wants it this way.

 

Maybe I want to convince him to come with me, maybe it’s a way to rule off our acquaintance, a last memory to our friendship and everything that could have been. When I press my lips on his tenderly but passionate the part of me calls out that has always loved James; that has never forgotten him and probably will remember this moment with hot, burning tears in the eyes even several years later. Surprised, he replies the kiss, and it just feels right although we both know that it was never meant to be this way. We both know that it is the end this time. Although it tears my heart apart and seems just impossible I manage to let go of him. The tears flow unhindered and free over my cheeks as he lays his hand on the side of my face.

“Go.” Something in me shatters, I can hear it, but above all I can feel it, the feeling of a thousand tiny, sharp pieces piercing in my body. This is worse than every execution. But it’s the only way. I just hope that he’s going to be happy, with whomever. With one last look I behold him and kiss him shortly for goodbye one more time before I haste up the stairs and disappear in the darkness.

_It had been the right choice._

_Although it broke his heart and although the pain inside of him seems unbearable…It had been the right choice in the end._


End file.
